The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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