do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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