Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
