I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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