He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
