i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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