Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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