He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
