Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
