dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
