why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
