Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
