Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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