your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
