So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
