I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
