I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
