is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
