Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
