well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
