i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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