you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
