i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
