What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
