I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
