i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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