there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
