u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
