I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
