My friends, they love my intelligence
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
