so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
