glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
