just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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