you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
