can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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