Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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