Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
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He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
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You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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