guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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