If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
