I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
