Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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