We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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