im drinking this country out of the recession.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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