What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
