fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
