remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
