Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
