OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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