Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
