i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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