wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
