There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
