I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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