And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
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I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
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He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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