Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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