yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
