WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
