i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
