I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
