Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
