New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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