I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
