Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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