Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
