I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
