i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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