Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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