bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
