What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
In America we eat man semen.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
