Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
