how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
