Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
