I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
