I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
